Shades of Damocles

This week is spring break, a time when students traditionally travel to warmer climates to party. I much prefer to stay home, relax, rest, read, and catch up on movies. I'm doing some of that but I'm also doing a lot of grading. This is the dark side of teaching writing.

Here's what makes grading writing hard:

1. It's time-consuming. To do a good job and be fair, I need to make sure I'm not tired and cranky when I'm grading. That means as much I would like to work straight through and grade all the papers at once and get it over with, it's not a good plan.

2. Knowing I have ungraded papers (unfinished work) stresses me out. It's like the Sword of Damocles, or should I say "the stack of ungraded papers of Damocles"?

3. I get no sympathy from anyone outside of academia. If I try to explain why I feel stressed out and cranky my listener inevitably says, "don't assign so many papers." Hel-LO! I teach writing. I have to assign papers. You can't teach someone how to write by giving them multiple choice exams! I wouldn't survive the stress if it weren't for the support of my fellow writing instructors. (I don't think I've said this, but thanks you guys!)

Students usually don't realize how stressful grading is or how much work it is. I know my own workload should make me more sympathetic towards my students, but when they complain about the five papers they have to write for my class, I just point out that for every paper they turn in to me, I have 96 to grade. (4 classes x 24 students each = 96.)

Why am I blogging if I have so many papers to grade, you ask. Well, like all writers, when I'm under a lot of pressure avoidance kicks in. Perhaps you've heard the expression "No one has a cleaner house than a writer with a deadline." The same is true of grading. Also, I'm too tired to grade right now so I'm doing something I enjoy.

I am participating in study this semester on meditation and stress reduction. I'm afraid I'm really messing up the data. I find meditation relaxing if I don't have a lot of work to do, but I can't do it when I have a stack of ungraded papers hanging over my head. Instead of focusing on the meditation and relaxing all I can think about is how many papers I could grade it that amount of time. Finishing my work reduces my stress far more effectively than meditating. Does that mean work is a form of meditation? What a scary thought!

If feel stressed every time I have a batch of papers to grade, why am I complaining this time? Probably because I'm just tired and cranky this week. I don't know if something is setting off my allergies or if I have cold, but I feel under the weather and resent being sick during my spring break! Grading during break I expected and planned for, but being sick, especially during what should be my time to do what I want, annoys the heck out of me.

I'm sure I'll feel better soon, especially if I get a lot of grading done.

Those Darn Box Elder Bugs!

It's February. It's in the 20s with near-zero windchill. Why do I keep finding Box Elder bugs in our apartment? I could understand it when the unseasonably warm temps in December and January might have been responsible for waking them up from their long winter's nap; however, why aren't they napping again? Where are they coming from? How the heck are they getting inside? Whatever their methods, I think they've started to tell their friends they've found a great winter hangout because the other day we found a ladybug.

Do Your Own Pest Control says Box Elder bugs can show up in the dead of winter and that they like to hide in the foundation, especially on warm southern and western exposures. I have no idea what they are living on, especially in the winter, since we don't have any box elder trees! At least we've only seen about one bug a month, so it's not a infestation. It's just a weird annoyance.

Bugs, I have a message for you: this apartment ain't big enough for all of us. The humans pay the rent and this human will squish you like a bug. Yeah, it's cruel, but it's better than being eaten by a Siamese Snowshoe cat. Tell your little buggy friends: move here and you'll get squished or eaten.

Get The Real Thing

All three campuses of the University of Michigan have stopped selling Coca-Cola products because of Ann Arbor students protesting Coke's alleged human rights violations in Colombia and India. Read about it at the Detroit Free Press and UM (Ann Arbor) web sites.

Diet Coke is my favorite beverage in the whole world (regular in the morning; caffeine-free after that). I don't mind bringing my own pop to work, but I do wonder why I can not find any evidence of the alleged human rights and an environmental issues the Ann Arbor students were protesting. Without evidence, this is just a bunch of students getting worked up over nothing and inconveniencing Coke drinkers on all three campuses as a result. I know they mean well, but their protests are unsubstantiated and therefore invalid. If anyone finds any evidence of their claims I want to see it!

Update Feb. 17: Despite UM's break with Coca-Cola and the alleged human rights and an environmental violations, Coke's stock (and presumably sales) remains steady, so banning Coke from UM has done nothing to hurt the Coca-Cola company. I wonder what the protestors hoped to accomplish?

Michigan Slogans

Today I got an e-mail from brother and sister-in-law with Michigan trivia. It ended with a list of Possible New Slogans for Michigan that was so funny I couldn't resist posting it here:

The one that looks like a mitten, you moron.
Where used cars from Florida brings top dollar.
No hurricanes here.
The Orange Barrel State.
So close to Canada, you can hardly tell the difference.
We know the rules to euchre.
Got fudge?
Two Mystery Spots. No waiting.
Yes, the Porcupines are real mountains.
Soda? We say pop here, buddy.
The Midwestern "M" state without a wrestler for governor.
No riots since '67.
More than just boarded up auto plants.
Casino fever -- catch it.
Sandy beaches without severe undertow.
Happiness is a warm pasty.
Imagine an island where horse manure still litters the streets.
Water enough for any drought.
Visit Hell, Paradise, Christmas and Climax. (Can do it all the same day!)
Birthplace of Meijer Thrifty Acres.
Where Ontario is a shortcut to New York.
Gerald Ford slept here.
It's called snow. Get used to it.
Where the names of high-toned suburbs needlessly end with "e."
Deer processing available here.
Not as flat as Indiana.
Try eating corn flakes without us.
Hardly any annoying lizards or poisonous snakes. Big on flannel.
It's not the heat. It's the humidity.
Smoked fish sold here.
Good people with camping trailers.
We moved American history to Dearborn.
No toll roads and proud of it.
Our biggest bridge makes yours look puny.
Nearly went to war with Ohio once and will do it again if they pull any funny stuff.
Land of snow machines and bass boats.
#@?!* mosquitoes.
We know a place where wooden shoes are always in style.
Where lousy teams get new stadiums.
Speed limit is back up to 70, so move it!
The Red Wings State.

I thought of a couple more:

Where octopus is synonymous with hockey.
If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes. It will change.

Superbowl Commercials

The groundhog was right: we got about 5 inches of snow Saturday night. Detroit cleared the snow in record time, wanting to make a good impression on all the people in town for the Superbowl. (Detroit residents: I'd be insulted if I were you! The city has shown they really can remove snow efficiently when they choose to. Their actions are saying that out of town guests are more important than you are.)

Speaking of the Superbowl, my favorite part is the commercials. I just found the Superbowl Ads site where you can watch the ads; some are also available through iTunes. This year my favorites fell into two categories: funny and TV/movie ads.

My Favorite Funny Commercials
* Budweiser. I loved the baby Clydesdale trying to pull the wagon. How adorable!
* Career Builder. We all know the guy who works with monkeys (I love those commercials!); now he has met a girl who works with jackasses. LOL.
* Aleve. Leonard Nimoy can give Trekkies the Vulcan salute thanks to arthritis-relieving Aleve.

My Favorite TV/Movie Ads
* Lost. There were several but my favorite was the guy singing something like "admit it you're hooked on Lost." Watch the Commerical on ABC!
* Pirates of the Caribbean. Johnny Depp, Orlando Bloom, pirates, swashbuckling -- what's not to like?

Best of all was the 2nd Annual Puppy Bowl (with Kitty Half Time Show) on Animal Planet. We watched it twice. How can anyone resist watching puppies and kitties playing? (Yes, I am easily amused.)

Happy Groundhog Day!

Happy Groundhog Day! Punxsutawney Phil, the weather-predicting groundhog, saw his shadow this morning, which means six more weeks of winter. Wait, seeing his shadow because its sunny means more winter? And no shadow means an early spring? I've always wondered about that, so I did a quick Google search to learn more. The Punxsutawney Groundhog Club includes history and FAQ about Phil and Groundhog Day. (It's another tradition we can blame on the Germans.) Another site sells official groundhog souvenirs.

Actually, I've always suspected this holiday was created by someone with severe cabin fever looking for any excuse to get out of the house. What else could explain taking a sweet, sleepy critter out of his snug, warm den and waving him about in front of a cheering crowd? I've always felt sorry for Phil. I'd hate it if someone woke me up like that. They probably use a groundhog because groundhogs are too sweet to bite under such circumstances.

What I really want to know: since this winter has been much warmer than usual, does Phil's prediction mean that winter will really start now?

Beating the Winter Blues

It's the end of January and it's still warm and rainy -- yuck! What happened to the lovely, cold, dry weather that is so good for my sinus/allergy problems? The weather cold enough for me wear all my favorite snuggly sweaters? SIGH.

I've found one thing that makes the yucky weather more bearable: a Go Lite by Apollo Health for seasonal affective disorder. I think it's only for mild seasonal depression, not clinical depression, but you can read more about it on the web site.

We shopped around on the 'net and paid much less than the $200 listed on the web site. Mine is not programmable, like this picture, which might be why it was so much less expensive.

I've been using my Go Lite for about half an hour each morning, usually when I'm reading the news, weather, e-mail, etc., and having my morning caffeine and it really seems to help.

The real good news: we have 47 minutes more daylight than we did at this time in December.

Totally Wireless

Thanks to my friend Dan from Information Technology Systems, my home network is now wireless! I can now sit in the living room with my laptop and be on-line, print to the laser printer from any of our three computers, and share files between the computers. God, I love technology!

Frankly, with two on-line classes this semester, I'm just relieved to be back on the 'net after the death of our old router. The other day I had to take my laptop to the local library so I could work on my classes. This seemed like a good idea, especially since the library now has Wi-Fi, but it's not a good solution if you live in a small town. I was there for an hour and ran into three people I know. All of them wanted to visit and admire my laptop, which was nice but distracting.

Now the only thing I have to worry about is power failure... :)

Why I Hate January

The holidays are over.

The snow is gone.

It's warm, rainy, dark, and dreary.

Two days after Christmas (two days!!!) some retailers started putting out St. Valentine's candy.

God, how I hate January.

Christmas TV Trivia

Are you watching your old Christmas favorites on TV, VHS, and DVD? Do you sniffle when Santa sings with the little Dutch girl, Frosty melts, and George Bailey realizes he really does have a wonderful life? If so, you are ready for my first-time-ever Christmas trivia!

For each clue name the Christmas special/movie.

1. Mr. Gailey proves that Kris Kringle really is Santa.
2. Bob Wallace and Phil Davis save the Columbia Inn from bankruptcy on Christmas Eve.
3. Bing sings “White Christmas” for the first time in this movie.
4. Uncle Billy misplaces $8,000 on Christmas Eve.
5. We meet Father Chuck O’Malley for the first time.
6. Max pulls a sleigh full of Christmas cheer.
7. The Winter Warlock puts one foot in front of the other.
8. Scott Calvin becomes the new Santa.
9. Scrooge’s debtors sing “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow” and dance on his coffin.
10. Francis Xavier Cross produces the world’s worst version of A Christmas Carol, live, on Christmas Eve.
11. The misfit toys hope Santa find them new, loving homes.
12. Henry Travers (best known as Clarence the angle in It’s a Wonderful Life) plays selfish Horace P. Bogardus.
13. Skating to “Christmastime is Here.”
14. Randy can’t put his arms down.
15. Hocus Pocus runs away from Professor Hinkle, the world’s worst magician.

The answers are in the Comments section.

Tolkien on Film Nominated for an Award!

Tolkien on Film: Essays on Peter Jackson’s The Lord of the Rings (which contains an essay by yours truly) has been nominated for an award! Tolkien on Film was edited by Janet B. Croft, published by Mythopoeic Press, and is for sale on Amazon.

If I understand correctly, the awards will be presented at The One Ring Celebration: The Official Convention for Lord of the Rings Fans (Authorized by New Line Cinema) in Pasadena, CA, January 20-22, 2006. Convention Info

The One Ring is a fan site which is mentioned in some of the film documentaries included with Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings films.

Anyone can vote here. Item #2 is Best Tolkien themed book published in 2005. Tolkien on Film is #4 in the list of nominees. Vote early and vote often and thank you for your support!

Let it Snow!

It's a beautiful, snowy day in mid-Michigan. We're supposed to get 6-8 more inches of snow tonight.

Everybody sing along: Since we've no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!

Blogging in the Library

I'm doing something I've always dreamed of: working in the library atrium (the coolest view on campus) on a wireless laptop!

Why the library atrium? Because it's got a wall of three-story windows overlooking the Flint River, with lots of trees, and nice view of the William S. White Building across the river. This beautiful view more than makes up for the lack of windows in my office. Over here I have the biggest windows and the best view on campus. If I ever find a good picture I'll post it on my blog.

How did this dream come true? The university had money to spend on on-line instructors. When my Department Chairman asked for my wish list I requested a laptop (12-inch Apple PowerBook G4), a 1 GB jump drive, and a puppy.

Yesterday the laptop and jump drive arrived. The Department Chairman assures me the puppy has been sent to the Foreign Languages department for housetraining. They have it hidden really well, since I can't find any signs of it.

In the meantime, I think I'll call my new laptop Spot, since it has a white Apple-shaped spot on the top.


Image taken from Apple's PowerBook specs.

Now I need to quit having fun and get back to my end-of-the-semester grading.

Christmas Kitties

It's not a Christmas tree, it's a lighted cat bed...

Giving Thanks

Have you received this info via e-mail lately?

• If you woke up this morning with more health than illness ... you are more blessed than the million who will not survive this week.
• If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation ... you are ahead of 500 million people in the world.
• If you can attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death ... you are more blessed than three billion people in the world.
• If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep ... you are richer than 75% of this world.
• If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace ... you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy.
• If your parents are still alive and still married ... you are very rare, even in the US and Canada.
• If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you, and furthermore, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read at all.
  

It's posted all over the Internet on sites like Interesting Facts to Keep Life in Perspective. These sites also give statistics based on the idea that if a village of 100 represented the world population x% would Asian, x% would be Christian, etc. The idea, apparently, is to make people who live in first world counties realize how good they've got it and to feel thankful (and possibly guilty) about it.

I thought the numbers looked questionable, so I looked this data on the Urban Legends Reference Page, which confirmed my hunch that the data isn't quite right.

Even so, Thanksgiving is a time for remember all the blessings we take for granted, like those listed above. I am thankful for these things. I thank God every day that I live in the United States of America, and I pray for our soldiers who are fighting for the freedom of people who have never known the blessings and freedom we take for granted.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Step into Christmas

Since Halloween, I've been ready for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I love the holidays! I love the music, the lights, the decorations, the food, the happy memories, buying and wrapping presents, the anticipation, the holiday TV specials and movies -- I love it all.

Some people find the cold, short winter days depressing but that doesn't bother me until after the holidays. For now, the dark just sets off the glow of warm, inviting indoor lights and the happy glow of outdoor holiday lights. What could look more cheerful or inviting?

Maybe I need the holidays more than usual this year. Since July, we've lost five friends or acquaintances and one family member. I feel like I've been living at the funeral home. I'm trying to keep my chin up, and I hope my pretty Christmas lights will cheer me up, as they always have. All the boxes are in the living room, just waiting for me to decorate. I usually wait until after Thanksgiving, but this year I might not be able to wait that long. Like the song says, I need a little Christmas right this very minute.

I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving, full of happy memories, especially those who have recently lost a loved one. I know that the first year of holidays without that loved one can be awful. If you need a little holiday cheer, stop by and look at my pretty Christmas lights!

T is for Chicken

Since I'm not a parent, I usually don't tell cute kids stories, but this one is so good I had to share!

My dear friend Denise has a three-year-old, Joshua, who just started preschool. Last week they must have been learning letters because he came home with a paper cut-out of a turkey. Stamped on the back were a bunch of T's. He proudly handed it to her and said, "Look, Mommy. T is for chicken!"

I think Denise needs to send this to Reader's Digest, don't you? How could they not publish it?

Apostrophe Proselytizing

The other day my husband and I drove past a house that had a sign in the front yard which said:

Drywall Repair's
and
Odd Job's
Call 555-5555

Just typing that incorrectly nearly killed me! It's a good thing my husband was driving because I would have been tempted to stop and fix the sign, or, at the very least, to tell the owner that he was damaging his credibility by showing that he didn't know the difference between a plural and a possessive. I mean, I'm not hiring someone who can't tell the difference between "repair's" and "repairs," are you? It would only take me a few minutes to explain it, but that would be rude and obnoxious, wouldn't it, sort of apostrophe proselytizing? It's probably better not to say anything, but I can hardly stand seeing such a simple error go uncorrected.

I might have to sneak back some night with a can of white spray paint so I can fix that sign...

Thanks, Rosa

Dear Rosa,

I know you weren't the first black woman who refused to give up her seat on a bus, but you are the one who became the face of the civil rights movement. Thank you, brave lady.

Because of you I have never known a USA where white and black people could not sit together or eat together. I have never seen separate black and white restrooms or drinking fountains, and opposition to interracial marriage is only a faint memory to me.

I know the sexes and races still aren't totally equal, but maybe someday we will all really be judged by our character and not the color of our skin, as Dr. King dreamed. Thanks for starting the ball rolling. Rest in peace, Rosa.

Happy Halloween!

The newspapers have been full of the usual pre-Halloween articles lately: everything from parties, to the history of Halloween, to Fundamentalists proclaiming that all Halloween-related activities are Satanic.

The Fundamentalists need to get a grip. Halloween traditions are based on the pre-Christian harvest traditions of the people we now call the Celts. Apparently Fundamentalists think anything that happened before Christ was the same worshipping Satan. They ignore the fact that pre-Christians and modern pagans (Wiccans) simply want to worship the Creator through nature, much as Native Americans do, which is compatible with Christian beliefs and sure isn't the same as worshiping Satan. I wonder if those who claim Halloween is Satanic also celebrate Christmas? Don't tell them, but many of our Christmas customs are from the Celts, the same people who brought us Halloween.

In Mexico, this holiday is called The Day of the Dead. It's similar to our Memorial Day and at a much more appropriate time of year. Fall, with its change from summer's bounty to winter's severity, long nights, and a new year is a time for closure, remembrance, and celebration.

I feel sorry for anyone whose beliefs prevent them from having fun on Halloween. I have many happy memories of trick-or-treating and watching my dad dressing up like a hunchback scarecrow to scare the kids who came trick-or-treating at our house. The kids loved it and so did we! What could be more fun than being scared while you are actually perfectly safe? I think on some level, Halloween teaches kids how to deal with fear in a safe environment.

Tonight while the religious right scorns our devil-worshipping activities, I'll be handing out candy to adorable kids in cute costumes, and remembering my dad and all fun the we had.

Happy Halloween!

Here are some fun Halloween links:

Halloween

Halloween on the Net

Halloween Online

You can find lots more via Google.