An Exercise in Futility (or Why I Hate the Cable Company)

Today I made an incredibly frustrating phone call that reminds me why we all hate our cable company. (It doesn’t matter which one you have since they are all so similar.) I’m sure in the future this will be funny. Right now I want to reach out and slap my cable/Internet/phone provider!

This one is pretty long! Click here to read the whole thing.



Me: Hi, I don’t have my statement handy but I’d like to get my account balance, make sure both my name and my husband’s name are on our account, and learn how to check my account online.

Cable Rep. #1 (with some kind of foreign accent): What’s your home phone number, please? (I give it.) I’m sorry, we don’t have that number in our system.

Me: Oh, that’s the phone I get from you as part of my cable/Internet/phone package. I must have set up the account using my cell phone. (I give her that number.)

CR1: I see you have a business account.

Me: What? No, it’s a residential account. All I want to do is get my account balance, make sure both our names are on the account, and learn how to check our account online -- and switch my phone number on your records to my home phone.

CR1: I’m sorry, ma’am, I can only change residential accounts. I’ll have to transfer you to Business Accounts.

Me: (Sigh with exasperation and wait while my call is transferred.)

Cable Rep #1 (with an American accent – thank God!): How may help you ma’am?

Me: The first rep I talked to said I have a business account but I don’t. My account is residential. I don’t have my statement handy but all I want to do is get my account balance, make sure both my name and my husband’s name are on the account, learn how to check our account online, and switch my phone number on your records to my home phone.

CR2: You don’t have a business account. You have a residential account. I have no idea what the other person thought it was a business account.

Me: Can you help me?

CR2: I can confirm that both your name and your husband’s name are on the account, and I can change the phone number.

Me: Oh, thank you! (I give him our home phone number.)

CR2: For everything else, I’ll have to transfer you back to Residential Accounts.

Me: (Sigh with exasperation and wait while my call is transferred.)

Cable Rep #3 (with some kind of foreign accent): May I help you?

Me: Hi, I don’t have my statement handy but I’d like to get my account balance and learn how to do that online.

CR3: What is your phone number?

Me (Wondering about the accent): Did I just talk to you a few minutes ago?

CR3: No.

Me: Oh, sorry. (I give her the phone number.)

CR3: What is your account number?

Me: I don’t have statement handy, so I don’t know my account number. I just want to get the balance.

CR3: You can do that online.

Me: That would be great.

CR3: Since you don’t have your account number you’ll have to check your balance by phone.

Me: OK.

CR3: I need you to confirm the last four digits of your Social Security Number.

Me (I do, she gives me the balance, and I pay via credit card): I have $83 in credit in my old account. Can I transfer that to my new account?

CR3: No ma’am but I can send you a refund check.

Me: (I had to ask for this?!) OK. Thanks.

CR3: Remember, in the future you can check your account balance and pay online.

Me: I’m at your web site now and I don’t see where to do that.

CR3: Click “Register.”

Me: It doesn’t say “Register”; it says “Log in.”

CR3: Enter your account number.

Me (enunciation slowly and carefully): I. Don’t. Know. My. Account. Number. If. I. Did. I. Would. Have. Given. It. To. You. The. First. Time. You. Asked.

CR3: You can’t log in without your account number.

Me: Do you mean my “username” is my account number? Then what is my “password”?

CR3: Those numbers are on the top of your statement.

Me (Sighing): I guess I’ll do that after I get my next statement! Thanks.

I hung up and flung my phone across the couch.

To top things off, my own cable company called twice this week trying to try to sell me cable/Internet/phone service. Talk about the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing! 29 more days until the Do Not Call Registration kicks in…